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So, have you heard about polyamory? Maybe you've even felt butterflies in your stomach (or in your heart... or perhaps in both)? The idea of loving more than one person, without secrets and without guilt, sounds exciting, brave, and perhaps a bit scary. The term "open relationship" intrigues you and you want to understand what it really means?

Great! It's time to dive into this fascinating world and discover whether it suits you. But before you dive headfirst into the world of polyamory, let's organize our thoughts and understand the basics. What does it actually mean? Who is it suitable for? And what are the important things you need to know before starting?

When you go through the process wisely and gradually, while maintaining open and continuous communication and deep listening to each other, there's a high chance you'll discover that this is indeed the right path for you. It's also recommended to consider polyamorous counseling with a couples therapist specialized in polyamory, who can help navigate the shared journey and find the right place for you.

What is Polyamory?

Polyamory, or "multiple loves", is an approach to relationships where a person can have romantic and intimate relationships with more than one partner, with full and transparent consent from all parties. It's a lifestyle that allows loving more than one person, honestly and ethically, with complete transparency and consent from all involved.

It's important to emphasize:

Polyamory is not cheating. There are no secrets, lies, or trust violations. Everything is open, visible, and most importantly - with full consent from all involved.
Polyamory is different from polygamy. Polygamy refers to marriage with more than one partner (usually a man with multiple women), whereas polyamory is not limited to a specific family structure and focuses on romantic and intimate connections.

The fundamental principles of polyamory are:

Consent: All involved choose to be part of the relationship out of free will, without any pressure or coercion.
Communication: Transparency and open, honest dialogue between all partners are the basis for creating trust and security.
Respect: Mutual respect for the feelings, needs, and boundaries of each partner is crucial to the relationship's success.

Who is Polyamory Suitable For?

Polyamory is not suitable for everyone. It requires emotional maturity, openness, honesty, and the ability to handle emotional complexity. It might suit you if:

You're examining the social norms of monogamy: Perhaps you feel that love shouldn't be limited to just one person, and that you have room to love more.
You're seeking greater freedom and choice in relationships: Maybe you want to experience intimacy and connection from multiple sources, and receive responses to different emotional and sexual needs.
You're prepared to invest in personal and relationship work: Polyamory requires open communication, self-awareness, and the ability to manage complex emotions like jealousy.

Dealing with Jealousy in Polyamory: From Challenge to Growth Tool

Jealousy is a natural human emotion, appearing in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships. While in monogamy jealousy is often seen as a threat to the relationship, in polyamory it's viewed as an opportunity for personal and relationship growth. It allows us to look inward, understand our fears and insecurities, and develop tools for healthy management of complex emotions.

Understanding the Source of Jealousy:

It's important to identify the source of jealousy. Is it stemming from low self-esteem? Fear of loss? A sense of not belonging? Or perhaps unhealthy comparisons with others? Once we understand the cause of jealousy, we can begin to address it more effectively.

Open and Honest Communication:

Open and honest communication is key to dealing with jealousy in polyamory. It's important to share your feelings with your partners without blaming or attacking. Share your fears and insecurities, and ask for their support and understanding.

Personal Work:

Dealing with jealousy also requires personal work. This is the time to look inward, identify your vulnerabilities, and strengthen your self-confidence. You can do this through psychological therapy, reading relevant books and articles, or practicing meditation and mindfulness.

Setting Clear Boundaries:

It's crucial to define clear boundaries with your partners to create a sense of security in the relationship. What are your red lines? What are you comfortable sharing and what not? Clear boundary setting will help prevent misunderstandings and hurt, and allow for building a healthy and stable relationship.

Practicing Self-Compassion:

Remember that you're only human, and jealousy is a natural emotion. Don't judge yourself harshly when experiencing jealousy. Try to practice self-compassion and accept your feelings without judgment.

Additional Tips:

Focus on positive things: Concentrate on the good aspects of your relationship and the benefits of polyamory for you.
Find a supportive community: Join Facebook groups and forums of polyamorous people, and share your experiences and challenges.
Seek professional help: If you're struggling to cope with jealousy independently, don't hesitate to seek help from a couples therapist or psychologist..

Polyamory in Practice: How Does it Work?

In a polyamorous relationship, each partner can have more than one romantic relationship simultaneously, with mutual knowledge and consent. Relationships can take different structures, such as:

A married couple maintaining additional separate relationships: Each partner can have intimate relationships with other people, without these relationships being interconnected.
A triad: Three people maintaining a romantic and sexual relationship among themselves.
A polyamorous network - "polycule": Multiple people maintaining relationships with each other in various ways, with greater freedom and choice.

It's important to note that polyamory is not focused solely on sexual relationships. The emphasis is on love, closeness, and emotional commitment, not necessarily sexual fulfillment.

n many cases, polyamorous relationships are based on a "relationship contract", which is a kind of agreement between partners that defines the boundaries, expectations, and rules of the relationship. This agreement can be flexible and change over time, according to the changing needs of the partners.

Open and honest communication is the basis for the success of any polyamorous relationship. It's important to talk about everything - feelings, needs, desires, fears - and create a safe and transparent space where all partners feel comfortable sharing and being themselves.

Types of Relationships in Polyamory: Not Everything is Black and White

Polyamory is not a "one size fits all" approach, and there are different ways to live it. The two most common models are:

Hierarchical Polyamory: In this model, there is a primary relationship ("primaries") and secondary relationships ("secondaries"). Primary relationships are typically stronger and require more time and commitment. Secondary relationships are usually less "formal" and can be less intensive.
Non-Hierarchical Polyamory: In this model, there is no hierarchy between relationships. Each relationship is unique and special, and is shaped according to the desires and needs of the partners involved.

In addition to these two models, there are other types of polyamorous relationships:

Solo Polyamory: People who choose to live as an "independent unit", without dependence on a "primary" partner or hierarchy between relationship systems. They enjoy multiple relationships while maintaining their independence, personal space, and freedom of choice.
Mono/Poly Model: In this model, one partner is polyamorous and the other prefers monogamy. This is one of the most complex models, as it requires the couple to bridge two different approaches to love and relationships. It can work if there is much communication, flexibility, and willingness to compromise.

Polyamory: How to Begin? 5 Steps to the First Step

Want to embark on a journey into the world of polyamory? Here are 5 steps to help you start:

Learn and Research: Read articles, books, and blogs about polyamory. Join relevant Facebook groups and forums. Get to know the concepts, possibilities, and challenges that the world of polyamory offers.
Talk to Your Partner: If you're in a relationship, it's important to start the conversation about polyamory in an open, sensitive, and honest way. Share your thoughts, feelings, and expectations.
Take Your Time: Don't rush to open the relationship. Give yourself and your partner time to process the information, ask questions, and understand what it means for you.
Define Clear Boundaries: What is allowed? What isn't? What are your red lines? It's important to create clear agreements that ensure all parties feel safe and comfortable.
Be Patient: Polyamory is an ongoing learning process. There will be mistakes, challenges, and obstacles along the way. It's important to be patient with yourself and your partners, and to continue learning and growing together.

Frequently Asked Questions About Polyamory for Beginners:

Is Polyamory Selfish or Immoral?

No. Ethical polyamory is based on principles of consent, open and honest communication, and mutual respect. It requires commitment and responsibility towards all partners in the relationship and should not serve as an excuse for harm or exploitation.

Is it Good for Children?

Research shows that children can grow and develop healthily in polyamorous family structures, as long as it involves a stable and supportive relationship system, with open and honest communication both between partners and with the children.

How Do You Deal with Jealousy?

Jealousy is a natural emotion, and in polyamory, it can also surface. It's important to remember that jealousy is an opportunity for growth and self-learning. Instead of suppressing or ignoring jealousy, polyamory encourages us to communicate it openly and honestly with our partners, and together seek ways to deal with it healthily.

In Summary: Is Polyamory Right for You?

This is a personal choice. Some people find it suits their nature, values, and needs, while others prefer monogamy. It's important to know yourself well, understand relationship dynamics, and act with honesty and transparency with your partners.

If you're interested in polyamory or considering opening your relationship, it's important to enter this world gradually, carefully, and without unrealistic expectations. The best way is to learn and explore the topic, talk to people living polyamorously, and examine whether it truly suits you.

Remember, there's no single "right" way to live love. The most important thing is to find the way that suits you and allows you to live full, happy, and satisfying lives.

Want to know more? Join our Facebook group and connect with the polyamory community in Israel!

Polyamory and Open Relationships - The United Group.

Opening a relationship is a complex process that requires preparation and planning. Professional couples counseling can help you navigate the change more smoothly and deal with potential challenges that may arise along the way.

An experienced couples counselor can provide you with tools for effective communication, build mutual trust, and resolve conflicts constructively. It's important to choose a counselor or therapist who is personally suitable and experienced in working with polyamorous couples. In addition to professional knowledge, the counselor should be empathetic, attentive, and non-judgmental.

Opening a relationship is an opportunity to explore new aspects of your relationship and deepen your connection. However, it's important to be aware that the process also involves challenges such as jealousy, insecurity, and the need to readjust your lives.

Before you begin the journey, ask yourselves:

Are you ready for a significant change in your lives?
Do you have enough support from your environment?
Are you prepared to face potential challenges?

If your answers are positive, couples counseling can be a valuable tool in helping you turn your dream into reality.

פוליאמוריה ויחסים פתוחים - הקבוצה המאוחדת