Post| AltCtrLife

Have you ever dreamed of a life filled with love and connection without giving up your independence and freedom? That’s precisely what Solo Polyamory offers.

Solo Polyamory is a way of life where individuals engage in non-monogamous relationships while maintaining their autonomy and freedom of choice. We enjoy intimate and romantic connections with others but don’t rush into “merging” into traditional relationships that involve cohabitation, joint bank accounts, or shared parenting.

In other words, we don’t live as a classic couple but as individuals who maintain meaningful relationships with others.

Core Values: Autonomy, Independence, and Conscious Choice

At the heart of Solo Polyamory are autonomy, independence, and the conscious choice to engage in relationships. People who choose this lifestyle enjoy closeness and connection with others while dedicating time and energy to self-growth, personal dreams, and preserving private space and freedom.

Solo by Choice or Life Circumstance

Some consciously choose Solo Polyamory because they value their independence and feel it’s the right way to experience love. Others find themselves “solo” due to life circumstances—perhaps they haven’t found a suitable partner for a more committed relationship or simply enjoy the flexibility and freedom it offers.

What does Solo Polyamory mean to you, and how does it differ from other polyamorous relationship styles?

In this article, I decided to interview individuals and share their quotes without explanations or analyses:

פוליאמוריה - סולופולי ראיונות עם פוליאמורים וציטוטים

What does Solo Polyamory mean to you, and how does it differ from other polyamorous relationship styles?

In this article, I decided to interview individuals and share their quotes without explanations or analyses:

"Solo Poly for me means complete independence."

My alone time is crucial for recharging physically and emotionally. I am solely responsible for my life, commitments, decisions, path, time, and resources. This allows me to choose my partners with full responsibility, in a way that suits me best. I don’t share a home or finances with them, nor do we make parental decisions together. Sometimes, our lifestyles differ greatly, and that grants me the freedom to make my own choices without depending on anyone else. For me, this enables pure love. I experience deep emotional closeness, mutual love, a shared desire to be together for years, genuine care, and concern. I also have meaningful connections with my partners’ other partners, making me feel like part of a larger family. I feel like I’ve hit the jackpot. There’s no turning back from paradise! ❤

"I define myself as Solo Poly at my core."

For me, personal freedom ranks very high on my value scale. My considerations, their considerations, schedules, desires—all come after I determine what is good and right for me.

"To summarize Solo Poly for me: It’s like having it all without feeling bound."

I love and am loved.I have relationships (is that the plural of relationship?).I have intimacy.I have meaningful connections.And I have my solitude. It usually balances well with togetherness, though sometimes it feels burdensome—but I consciously chose it.

I don’t have a shared household.I don’t argue over who will hang the laundry or take out the trash.On the other hand, there’s also no one else to do it but me. 🤣

"The difference lies in how I define myself."

Being "solo" reflects something about my identity, which shapes the nature of my relationships. I can be Solo-Mono, Solo-Non-Monogamous, or Solo-Poly. Perhaps more than any other polyamorous form, the emphasis here is on individual definition—just like in Homo-Poly. What differentiates a homosexual polyamorous relationship from others? The fact that the individual is gay.

I know sexual orientation and being solo aren’t the same, but I’m trying to clarify my point. For me, Solo Poly means maintaining a delicate balance between solitude and togetherness, between shared and personal, private and public, in a way that nurtures each person’s self.

There’s a tendency to think being solo means endless singleness wrapped in "partial" relationships. But my being solo doesn’t make me any less committed, loving, loyal, or present. Strengthening my relationship with myself enhances my love for others. I’m more attuned to my boundaries, desires, and needs, which allows me to embrace the unique qualities each relationship brings into my life.

"For me, being Solo Poly today is a default option."

After 14 years in a monogamous relationship, I embarked on a journey to rekindle intimacy and love within myself, with zero desire to enter another traditional relationship. It worked—and still does—sometimes even brilliantly. It provides me with full support in building autonomy in my life.

However, I’m unsure if this will remain my lifestyle forever. At my core, I’m a relationship-oriented, family person, and the desire for a faithful partner is starting to resurface. As for polyamory, that will likely remain my preferred perspective. I struggle to imagine a partnership with someone strictly monogamous.

I cherish my freedom and what it allows me to experience. I need the ebbs and flows to feel alive and thrive. Most importantly, I love people and intimate spaces and see no reason to ever suppress that again.

"I believe that my most important relationship is with myself."

As much as I enjoy loving relationships, I want to keep it that way. (This doesn’t include my relationships with my children.) The very thought of these relationships reflects the essence of Solo Polyamory for me: a conscious balance between personal growth and meaningful connections.

Solo Polyamory places a unique emphasis on personal autonomy and freedom, distinguishing itself from other forms of polyamory. While traditional polyamorous models often involve creating shared frameworks as part of the relationship experience, solo poly prioritizes self-development and nurturing the internal relationship with oneself. As the interviewee described, this approach allows her to define her external relationships according to her own needs and desires, rather than conforming to familiar structures.

For example, she does not seek financial entanglement or shared living arrangements with her partners, maintaining both financial and physical independence. Additionally, she prefers to keep her inner relationship with herself separate from others. In this way, solo polyamory uniquely expresses the realization of personal autonomy and empowerment within interpersonal relationships.

Ultimately, the self-definition of solo polyamory is personal but often reflects an internal sense of freedom and autonomy.

Do you live as a solo polyamorist? Share your experiences in the comments! Want to learn more? Join the Facebook group [Solo and/or Relationship Anarchists] for discussion and support.